Alec was trying to push the memories from his mind. Her face kept haunting him now, had been since the delivery to Berrisford Estate. She was hard to shake, always had been. He had taken a long time to hide her in his mind to stop the Psy-ops and still be able to remember her.

He washed his face hoping the freezing cold water would snap him out of whatever it was. When he glanced up he saw her standing there. She was watching him, that soft smile on her face. He turned from her reflection in the mirror to face her. Any sign of happiness faded when he turned and she wasn't there, turning back to the mirror and nothing. He sighed and in frustration he punched the mirror. He washed his hand off and looked up seeing her again before she was gone once more.

He'd have trouble sleeping he knew this. The ghost of the woman he loved and betrayed, the woman he couldn't save, was haunting him. He sat with her heart locket dangling from his hand before tucking it back away and laying down yet keeping his eyes open.

Alec McDowell // Dark Angel // 192 words

Alec sat in the bar trying to drown out the sounds of music he heard over the phone. He could see her smiling face in his mind. The flirting they did, the knowledge that he was using her even though he had fallen for her. He ordered another round. Jim Beam was his friend right now, the only one he wanted. He wanted to drown all the past coming back up. He cursed that delivery. Berrisford Estate, of all the places for him to end up. He played the cold callous man well, but that was shattered now.

Max came in her way to make sure he was alright. Alec didn't want to see anyone save the bartender. She tried talking to him and he brushed her off. He had a past to deal with and he just wasn't sure how to get rid of the guilt.

Because all Alec could see now was Rachel Berrisford's smiling face, then watched it turn to horror and disgust. Then nothing as he heard the explosion. It made him hurt more then anything. Though more pain was to come concerning Rachel, Alec just didn't know it yet. Right now he drank wishing he could get drunk and be rid of the memories.

Alec McDowell 'X5-494 // Dark Angel // 207

Behind Closed Doors – Charlie Rich
'Cause when we get behind closed doors
And she lets her hair hang down
And she makes me glad that I'm a man
Oh no one knows
What goes on behind closed doors

Alec and Rachel were lounging by the pool after she had invited him to a party. He wasn't sure what to expect as their last meeting ended up with coffee thrown in his face. Thankfully he healed quick cause that stuff was hot. He showed up dressed in a suit as she asked as well as the glasses he would never admit he kept because of her. He slipped in and saw her pausing seeing her in that same dress and he had to bite the inside of his lip. She looked damn good in it, had that first time he saw her in it. He saw her glance at him and give a shy smile. He suddenly felt like he was reliving that night minus her father being there.

He decided to mingle with a few people then and smiled making polite conversation all the while stealing glances at the corner of his eyes to see where she was. He smiled as he caught her watching him a few times. Even if he wasn't sure where this was going he was enjoying the innocence of it. He watched her as she walked over to him and she just wrapped her arms around him.

"Let's get out of here, Alec."

His eyes closed because that was the first time she had ever called him by that name and he smiled holding her close then. He inhaled her scent without really realizing he was doing it. He snapped out of it when Rachel giggled softly.

"Did you just smell me Alec?"

"I was uh taking in your scent."

Rachel blinked at first then her lips slowly spread into a soft smirk. She poked him in the side then and laughed.

"My kitty."

"Your kitty?"

"Yes you have a problem with that?"

"Uh. No."

"Good kitty. Now lets go to my room."

He followed her as she grabbed his hand. She didn't care if people saw her taking a man to her room. She lived alone, no father to tell her what to do. Alec was sure people assumed once that door was closed Rachel Berrisford was losing her virginity. Neither cared what people assumed because they knew the truth. Only Alec and Rachel knew what went on behind closed doors that night.

Alec McDwell 'X5-494' // Dark Angel // 369 Words

Make a list of your character's twenty five favorite brands or specific varieties of everyday things that they have, use, enjoy or want. For example, don't say that your muse's favorite dessert is ice cream. Close your eyes and imagine your muse getting and eating the ice cream. What flavor is it? What brand? Is it homemade? How do they get it? The same with their favorite transportation to work. If it's a horse, what kind? A car? What does it look like? Did they steal it? If your muse is poor, you can include items they dream of having. "He dreams of owning a Rolex, because to him that is status." Be creative. The most mundane items (toothpaste, underwear, coffee) can tell amazing things about your muse, and thinking about them can help you develop them.

1. Tryptophan
2. Huggies (don't say a word.)
3. Pedialyte
4. Jack Daniels
5. Dove chocolates (Rachel loves them)
6. Starlight mints
7. Ben and Jerry's chunky monkey (Piotr loves it)
8. Clover Farms Milk
9. Levi's jeans
10. Hanes t-shirts
11. McDonalds
12. Burger King
13. Tyson chicken
14. Yamaha
15. Jose Cuervo
16. Pampers baby wipes
17. Johnnie Walker
18. Gerber
19. Nestle Good Start
20. Brach's
21. Jelly Belly
22. Pepsi
23. Reese's (Small amounts man.)
24. Skippy
25. Andes mints

She's so soft, here beside me. I listen to her soft breathing as I watch her sleep, her chest rising and falling with the soft steady breathe. I don't sleep much so I spent a lot of time watching her as does Rachel. Who am I talking about? Our adopted daughter Hope. She is so tiny and just amazing. Rachel found her and brought her home and I swear that little girl has me wrapped around her finger already. Then again I'm a sucker for Piotr too. I never thought I'd be a dad, hell I think Maxie is partially scared of the one Rachel is pregnant with. Too much chaos has been in my life that it wasn't something I ever expected.

Piotr and me we had a rough start, he wasn't exactly programmed to be someone's son. He was made to be a soldier just like I was, different series same concept. We are good now though and he's learning how to play. Hope though she'll know what it's like to have a family from the get go, as will my unborn child. It's just amazing to look down at her and watch her sometimes. She'll never know the things I went through, never know what it's like to not have anyone. She has me, Rachel, Piotr, and a whole army behind her if someone messes with her.

Maybe I just want her to keep that softness, to not be hardened by the world.

Alec McDowell // Dark Angel // 246 Words

inspired by this picture.

Alec had been busy at work on something in Terminal City though he was bored and nearly done. When his phone rang he was glad to hear that sound, a specific ring that belonged to one person and one person only. His wife Rachel. He flipped the phone open and smiled leaning back against a wall.

"Hey baby."

"Hey Alec. You busy?"

"No I'm just finishing up."

"Good get your transgenic ass home. I have a surprise for you."

Alec's brow perked up and smiled. "I'll be right home."

He hung up and went and told Max he was cutting out and headed home. The estate looked dark and empty as he walked in. His brow creased as he slipped in carefully looking for Rachel. That was when he heard her voice and he turned. The poor boy nearly fell on his ass when he saw her. There was Rachel standing in a thin see through red robe with a matching bra and panty set underneath. All three pieces offset by light black feathers. His eyes roamed over her as he jaw dropped.

"Surprise Alec."

"I'll fucking say. Damn baby."

He walked over to her and pulled her close then kissing her passionately. He definitely loved his surprise as he lifted her up and gently carried her to their bed room. He laid her down on the bed and slowly slipped the robe off of her and let his hands roam over her stomach. She shivered and arched into his touch as he slipped everything else off of her. She whimpered as his mouth gently moved along the skin kissing and nipping as she reached down and undid his pants.

They spent the night making love and laying with each other. He loved feeling her chest heaving spent as she rested against him. He kissed the top of her head and smiled.

"I love you Rachel."

"Love you too Alec."

She yawned and cuddled closer as she drifted off to sleep.

Alec McDowell // Dark Angel // 318 Words

I've seen people all over looking for love. They seek it out wanting it so bad. That's how their lives are lived. Chasing the ghost of the perfect romance. I've heard all kinds of sayings in regard to that though they all seem to go along the same ideal. That a love that finds you when you aren't looking if a love worth having. I mean hell man I'm no expert on love, ask my wife or anyone that knows me. I just know I sure in the fuck wasn't looking for love, didn't even know what love was, when I walked into the Berrisford Estate. I was there to use Rachel to get to her father. It makes me an ass I know but that's what I was trained to do.

It's what I was good at. I just know the best thing i have with Rachel isn't something I went looking for. I tried finding something like it after I was out but it never happened. Not until Rachel found me again.

Alec McDowell // Dark Angel // 154 Words

I want to be able to live my life just like anyone else, and by anyone else I mean like the Ordinaries. See I'm a dad now and I have Rachel and our children to worry about.I want them to be able to grow up safe and not having to worry how people will treat them if they know what their father is. No matter what it comes down to what I am. A genetically empowered soldier. Something created in a lab. I'm no one's son, I don't have grandparents. Hell closest thing I have come to as having a father is John Winchester. He's been there for me and I've been there for him and his family. I swear the man could just call himself the dad of the transgenics but he'd have a cruise ship or two full of kids.

I want the life he had with Mary before she was taken away from him. The happiness, the laughter. He tells me stories along with his sons Dean and Sam. I like how it all sounds. They were happy. They had love and family. That's all I want. I want that with Rachel. I want to be a good dad for Piotr who like me never knew what a father was, and for Hope. I want to be good a good dad for mine and Rachel's unborn child. I just don't want to let them down. That's all I want.

Alec McDowell // Dark Angel // 243 words

A woman can forgive a man for the harm he does her...but she can never forgive him for the sacrifices he makes on her account.

Sounds odd to say but it can be true. See I know Rachel forgives me for what I did to her, but I also know if I got hurt to keep her safe she'd be pissed. Though I'd do it without question. She'd just hate it because we have Piotr, Hope, and a baby on the way. I'd just do what I had to to keep them all safe. Sure Maxie might hurt me a bit too if I did something stupid like that with me having a family now. Not like I'd be looking to get killed right?

At first when Rachel first came back into my life, that first time I saw her I had debated just walking away. Pretending she had the wrong person even if in all actuality she did, but I knew she'd find out and that would be it. Me walking away to keep her safe would have pissed Rachel Berrisford off to no end. Me taking away her choice of what she wanted to do with her life. Guess that's the worse thing you could do. Take away someone's choice and make it for them.

Alec McDowell // Dark Angel // 191 Words

I gave you no roses, no romance
No candlelight and no slow dance
But that's just how it's been
Maybe we can try again

When me and Rachel were first together it wasn't exactly the most romantic of relationships. Honestly it wasn't even meant to be a relationship, it was a job. Rachel just came as an unexpected surprise. Of course my handlers didn't like it too much and took it upon themselves to finish my mission. Drag me out so I couldn't try and go save Rachel and her dad. Psy Ops was supposed to erase the memory of her but she was always a ghost in my mind.

That day I went with Max to deliver a package to the Berrisford Estate those ghosts flared up. All the wrongs I did and the ways I didn't properly show Rachel I loved her sprang to mind. I wanted to see her to tell her everything I felt. Then when I found her she was in a coma. I told her then. I apologized and left. When I heard she died something inside broke. I lost the one woman that showed I was more then a soldier, more then a tool they used to clean up their messes.

Then came the day I thought I lost my mind. Out my mind scattered and needing to be cleared. I turn and bump into a woman. Rachel. My heart stopped for a moment. I thought I had finally snapped. She was dead. Buried. I had been to her grave many times over. Yet there she was looking at me.

"Simon"

That name stabbed at me and I knew I wasn't seeing things. I explained everything, I came clean. Told her why I was there all over again. A stinging slap to the face and she was gone again. I thought that was it until she called again. This time is different. I try and buy her little things here and there. I try showing her and telling her I love her as much as I can. Fear that she will be gone again.

Alec McDowell // Dark Angel // 323 words

With my genetic make up? The chances of me surviving an apocalypse are actually pretty good. I mean we were able to stay in Terminal City and not get sick like Ordinaries would. I'm not saying I'd definitely survive just saying chances are pretty good.

Now would I want to survive? I'm not sure. In cases like that it'd depend on who I lost. Like if I lost Rachel again, I might not want to survive. Depends if Piotr, Hope, or our unborn child were alive. I'd do my best to take care of them on my own. If I lost all of them? If i lost Max? I wouldn't want to be surviving it. Knowing I survived because of my DNA and they died because they weren't as lucky. It'd hurt too much. I would have lost my sister, my wife, and my children. I'd have nothing else. I'd have no purpose.

Alec McDowell 'X5-494' // Dark Angel // 153 Words

Write a fic about the best gift you ever received for the holidays.

I know most have had gifts given to them since they were little kids, but me and mine? We didn't have that luxury. See growing up the way I did we didn't celebrate holidays. They had no importance in the life of a soldier. We got something it was a new weapon, not a new toy. Not a present. We had no Christmas, no birthdays. So the first time I got a gift, a real gift? Was a simple black leather wallet to hold my money in that Rachel got me.

I mean yeah it's simple. It doesn't have any secret compartments that hide anything like a microchip or anything. It's just the first thing I've ever been given. Given because she wanted to give it to me. Something that is mine and mine alone. It's special to me because of that, and because Rachel gave it to me.

Though the best gift ever? Rachel carrying my child.

Alec McDowell // Dark Angel // 158 words

The very existence of flamethrowers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, "You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done."

I could think of some people I'd love use a flamethrower on. I'd love to actually.

Colonel Lydecker. The man pushed too far. Pushed too much. Treated us like lab rats. Tested us without giving a shit if we lived or died. It was all about him and how we made him look. He wanted to see how far we'd go. It was never about him wanting to be proud of us. It was all about us making his bosses proud of him. I know some may have some fucked loyalty to the man, but I loathe him. Give me a flamethrower and put him in front of me? Barbeque time.

Renfro. Total bitch. We were her play toys. Nothing more to her then tools and weapons to send out to clean up the messes of others too stupid to take care of themselves. Wonder if we were sold to the highest bidder for our missions. Did she make a mint off of sending us out to do other people's work. I'd love to make her a crispy critter. Then kick her and watch the ash spread.

Ames White. What can I say? He wants to wipe us out? Oh the feeling is mutual. Burnt to a crisp. Screw well done. We'll go straight to charbroiled. Watch him waste to ash.

Alright as you can tell I really don't like the people I listed above. Hate isn't even the right word. Loathe. Lament. Oh sure someone will throw a word out there. They messed with my family that's all there is to it.

Alec McDowell 'X5-494' // Dark Angel // 263 Words

1. "We are all, at our cores, the sum of our fears. To embrace Destiny we must, inevitably, face those fears and conquer them, whether they come from the familiar, or the unknown." ~ Mohinder Suresh ("Heroes")

The age old face your fears thing. I can understand this concept to a point. Sometimes though the fear is just too strong. It can cripple you to the point you can't move. Though when it comes to those you love an adrenaline rush is all you need. I can give you an example.

Water. I hate it. I don't want to go near it. I'd rather choke on my own blood.

Rachel, Piotr, or Hope fall into a deep pool and don't know how to swim? My ass is jumping in to save them. No second thoughts, no hesitation. Fear met head on and ass kicked. Question would come up could I do it again? I'd say yes, once you conquer it once you can kick it's ass again.

As for the destiny crap? I left mine behind. Super Soldier? I like who I am more now then the person I used to be.

Alec McDowell 'X5-494' // Dark Angel // 155 Words

7. I never found the words to say
You're the one I think about each day
And I know no matter where love takes me to
A part of me will always be with you - S Club 7 (Never had a dream come true)

That kiss I allowed myself to deepen. The one I gave myself in to without thinking. Though I feared I went too far when Rachel pulled back. Maybe I had. Though when she looked at me I could see it was more, she didn't look through me like I was used to, she looked at me. Then she said it, said I love you. I never thought three simple words could ever make me feel more alive then hearing her say those three. I faltered I know trying to find my voice. I saw the glimmer in her eyes starting to face. And my voice came and all I managed was I like you a lot. It wasn't what she wanted to hear but I think she knew what I meant.

After I thought she died and Manticore tried making me forget. I never did maybe what I felt was stronger then Psy Ops who knows. I thought about her everyday and wished I could have saved her. I regretted failing in keeping her safe. I don't know why I never promised her that, maybe it's the fact I did love her. I never found the words to say at the time that let her know how I felt. It wasn't until I found her in a coma that I had those words and was able to speak them. When I heard she died yes I put on a facade for everyone to see. I didn't want them to see the broken Alec, because to them there has only ever been one thing they knew.

I'm always all right.

Even when I am not. It's a nice little lie. Rachel she sees through it, I know Max does. Life is good now though I have my girl back with me. We are starting a life and family together. No one better try getting in my way.

Alec McDowell 'X5-494' // Dark Angel // 316 Words

153. This is what I thought, I thought you'd need me
This is what I thought, so think me naive
I'd promise you a heart, you'd promise to keep
Kiss my eyes and lay me to sleep
- Prelude 12/21 from AFI

In the beginning with Rachel I can honestly say, and I have already told her this, that the things I said were things said I thought she wanted to hear. We were taught to lie and lie well. I was good at it and I know Rachel was falling for it. Then came the time where I began meaning my words and knew I shouldn't. I knew my handlers and Manticore would never allow me to continue seeing her. To them she was a liability, one that made me weak. Maybe it was my fault they decided to kill her too. Maybe if I didn't fall in love with her they would have overlooked her.

I know now Rachel needs me and it's more then wanting me around. We have two children we adopted, Piotr and Hope. Then there is the fact Rachel is pregnant with my child. It's still surreal because I never thought I'd be having a baby with someone I loved. Maybe a breeding partner knocked up but never one of my own accord. I'm going to keep our baby safe, no one will think to mess with him or her. I'm the same way with Piotr and Hope. If I am lucky our baby will be born without a barcode.

Rachel has my heart, it's hers to keep. I promised her no other woman would have it as long as we both lived. I meant it.

Alec McDowell 'X5-494' // Dark Angel // 240 Words

There are emotions I've learn that be intense, more so then anything you could imagine. I've come across this a few times now in my life. It's not something I was engineered to feel.

There was the feeling of belonging and love I had for Rachel that first time we met. I wanted to be around her and I found excuses to do so. It wasn't my mission but this went beyond duty. It was a deep seeded personal need. A want to be near her as long as I could. My handlers I know saw it, I gave myself away in trying to get Rachel out of her death.

I loved her when I should not have. Maybe she would have been better off had I not, but I can't say that and mean it. She lived and as much as she hated me at first when we reconnected after I told her the truth. She was still alive. I know I am a better man because of Rachel Berrisford. Something I will always be thankful for.

She unlocked emotions I never thought I could have. Unlocked parts of me Manticore wanted hidden. She made me whole in so many ways.

Alec mcDowell 'X5-494' // Dark Angel // 202 Words

After getting out of Manticore, or being sent out to fulfill my mission and going back to find it burned down, I began dreaming. I can't remember ever doing that inside Manticore, maybe they just made us forget we had them. You never know in that place they really liked messing with our heads. Anyway I began dreaming about Rachel, remembering bits and pieces. The entire thing haunting me. I'd sit for hours staring at her locket that I managed to keep hidden from my handlers. As much as they tried to make me forget I always had a piece of her to remember her by. She deserved to be remembered and not forgotten.

I used to dream she was alive and that she never died. Imagine my surprise to find she was in a coma. I got to see her once more. I got to say I was sorry. I got to speak to her and tell her things I wanted to tell her. When I heard she died a few days later it had given me an odd peace. It's a strange thing to say but I thought maybe she had died knowing I loved her and I didn't mean to hurt her. Gave me closure.

Then the dreams continued that somehow she didn't die and that we were happy together. I'd wake up swearing I could smell her perfume. It's my memory, that scent will be forever locked into my mind and I can bring it to the surface at will. I felt disrespectful for not letting the dead rest. She had her peace and that's what was important. Though it crushed me to find that was all a lie. Some intricate lie cooked up by her father to keep me away.

I thought me and Rachel being together and happy. Us having children and getting married. I thought all that could happen only in my dreams.

Alec McDowell 'X5-494' // Dark Angel // 320 Words

When we said our first hello.
Little did we know
Love was just a glance away

I had no idea when I first walked into the Berrisford Estate and was being led to my first meeting with Robert Berrisford's daughter that my entire world was about to change. I didn't know that in that first hello, the first glance, that I was about to fall for her. Sure the falling in love wasn't instantaneous, but that first glance, that first time I looked into Rachel Berrisford's eyes I knew she would change me. I just got the strangest feeling when I looked at her.

Spending time with her just me and her I was being pulled in further and further. I came to realize I liked it. When her lips touched mine it was like nothing else existed but me and her. Her smile no matter what made me smile it was like I couldn't help it. I didn't know exactly what was happening. I knew I wanted to be around her, knew she made me feel something I never felt before. And no not anything perverted people, really. She made me feel like for the first time I wasn't just an object. Not a object for killing. She showed me there was more to life then what they wanted me to do. I fell hard I can say that now even if I couldn't vocalize it then.

They tried to make me forget, but I held onto that knowledge. The knowledge I was more then just a killer. The knowledge I could actually feel something for someone. The knowledge I wasn't just a killer.

Alec McDowell||X5-494 // Dark Angel // 257 Words

Name of Muse: Alec McDowell//X5-494

Fandom/Type of Muse (example – Star Wars/Original Character): Dark Angel

Link to muse profile page: http://alecmcdowell.livejournal.com/profile

Mun name, nickname or handle: JJ

Best way to get a message to the mun: AIM

Do you use AIM or any other IM? moveswithmind

One hundred words about the muse that everyone should know:

Alec McDowell isn't your average joe, not by a long shot. He's a genetically enhanced super soldier created by Manticore. Human DNA spliced with feline DNA for his class which is the X5 class. He's supposed to be a trained killer, that was his purpose. That has changed thanks to Max and her burning down Manticore. At first he was arrogant and cocky, but he's straightened up. My Alec is married and expecting. He's also not as childish as Alec used to be at times. My Alec is more the guy that stands right at Max's side for the cause of the transgenics. He's more the activist and he will come across as serious most of the time. He has every right to be with his rp canon life. An adopted son that's a transgenic, biological children on the way with an Ordinary. He wants his children to have the life that they should by rights have. Forget he has feline DNA, to him transgenics are just people wanting what everyone wants. A chance at a life of their own.

Prompt only, or available to roleplay? Available for roleplay

Posting tag: Dark Angel: Alec McDowell/X5-494

Link to memories or tag page showing RotM posts: http://alecmcdowell.livejournal.com/tag/rotm